Sunday, May 22, 2005

This tradition will be followed up coming years too

With syntax like that, I'm either channeling Yoda or talking about the Eurovision Song Contest.

The voting is going on behind me, 4 nations down, another 35 to go before we know the winner. Actually, I lie, because I've already had the winner spoiled for me thanks to unscrupulous news outlets.

Anyway, the show kicked off with Ruslana going beserk with a napalm gun.

1. Hungary kick off the show with their thigh-slapping, slightly gay but kind of funky version of river dancing. They really know how to put on a show, but Hungarian sounds like a difficult language to sing in.

2. UK's girlie reckon's she's Beyonce. The Arabic influence is strong here (as it will be all night) and she's urging us to "touch my fire". I'm sure it's a euphemism for something, but what?

3. Malta. Oh dear, my first impression is not good, but I hold off on zapping through and start to really enjoy the song. Oh my goodness this girl can sing! What's the bet Guy Sebastian will do a cover version?

4. Romania - not as much energy as Friday night. Bup-bow.

5. Norway - the ageing glam rockers turn it up to 11.

6. Turkey have added a bit of bollywood and lots of "lei-lei-lei's" and it's all a bit silly. If you want to win, sing in English like Sertab Erener did a couple of years back. (I didn't even have to look that up, by the way, that's how much I love Eurovision).

7. Moldova - the boonika boom boom mama looks a bit silly. In other words, they fit right in.

8. Albania - doing their version of a turkish harem. The dancing girls have seriously fake violins, which is a nod to everyone else who is faking it tonight. Fair bit of Arabic influence here too. Maybe Libya will get a run in future years?

9. Cyprus. Yet more Turkish/Arabic sounding, with more "lei lei lei" than you can poke a stick at. Which is what he wants us to do, cos "Enrique" is thrusting it at the camera and inviting us to have a good look.

10. Spain. Three red hot mamas with a catchy little tune that is as annoying as the Ketchup Song. If it was English, I'd say they were a dead cert.

11. Israel. She's even better than Friday night. If anyone could turn me to play for the other team, this girl could do it for me.

12. Serbia and Montenegro. A change from the arabic influence, cos these guys have gone all Hebrew. I know now why Yugoslavia broke up - so they could have multiple entrants in Eurovision.

13. Denmark. Reminds me of Al Jerreau and other ageing nobodies who never quite make it.

14. Sweden - opening riff sounds a bit like "Fever", but then every Eurovision song sounds like every other. He's singing about how fantastic and exciting Las Vegas is. Wha?

15. FYR Macedonia. OMG, I forgot about these guys and their "lei, lei,lei" as well. Everybody's doing it.
I think I've lost the will to live.

16. Ukraine. The hosts realise they can't possibly afford to host this show again, so they put up a local version of Eminem and sing about the revolution. Respect!

17. Germany. Awful noise.

18. Croatia - the guy with depression and his loopy drummer. Hasn't improved since Friday.

19. Greece - doing a bit of Zorba meets river dance, and bugger me if Terry Wogan doesn't just say the same thing straight after I think it. Not a bad song, and certainly better than their other efforts in recent years. Nice touch with the "cello" made out of the bloke's suspenders.

20. Russia - local version of "Jamie's got a gun", loaded with 'tude, but can't carry a tune.

21. Bosnia Herzegovena - Every ABBA song ever written smushed into one.

22. Switzerland - nice try but it's not going to hold up. Her voice is croaking as well.

23. Latvia - oh I remember these guys from Friday. They glee club protest song with the sign language. It will probably get loads of votes.

24. Finally the end is near. It's France, they're keeping the tradition going of refusing to sing in English. And that's why Eurovision will never be held in Paris.

Now for the voting, and even though ony 24 nations are competing, we're crossing to all 39 member nations to take the votes.

It's worse than the Brownlow medal count. Somebody kill me.

My top picks, for what they're worth
Moldova - got to have a novelty act in there
Norway - ditto

UK - hope they get nil points.

Told me something
Blogger Mallrat told me...

well you should pursue your lustful fantasies of the iaraeli anyway - no turning rewuired, becasude as in previous years, SHE's PROBABLY A MAN!
Damn, wish I'd tuned in.

10:05 am  
Blogger Burnt Karma told me...

I still have it on the set-top-box if you want to come over and watch it :-)

1:38 pm  
Blogger ChickyBabe told me...

Good job with the reviews, BK. I wish I knew you were blogging during the show.

I had my Eurovision evening ruined by a phone caller who let the name of the winner slip! Until next year... grrrr....

8:24 pm  
Blogger Ben.H told me...

That was superb, even though the drippy Israeli girl did nothing for me.

8:35 am  
Blogger Ben.H told me...

Hey! And Greece were great last year too: they wuz robbed!

8:51 am  
Blogger Mallrat told me...

i'll take you up on that one. I fyou got the time, i got the place...

4:12 pm  

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